And so it is...

Fashion Fail #3

2009-08-07T13:02:00.001-07:00

OK. So if you know me you know that i generally try not to buy things produced in a sweat shop. I do this with the truly optimistic belief that what i choose to buy has power, and what i choose not to buy holds power. This is the general idea of the t-shirt show above.

Let me tell you where this shirt came from. This shirt is apart of the product (red) campaign. Good idea right? Get popular companies to sign on to having novelty products that will then help benefit the global fight against AIDS..... yes please. This is apart of the Gap's new campaign of getting famous artists to design a product red shirt. This particular shirt was designed by Geoff McFetridge. Who is a graphic designer in LA.

but when you put a slogan like this on a tshirt to help aids victims that was made off of sweatshop labor in peru, please think about what you're saying. So thank you gap for kind of thinking of others. PS you did it off the backs of small children all over the world, who are occasionally raped and forced into labor with no pay (http://tinyurl.com/lj9aao).

So yes the message on your shirt is correct, we can change the course of this world by what we choose to spend our money on. This goes for everything from clothes to food. We can choose to think about who made it, where was it produced, what was it like to grow, how did it get to my hand, why is this price so high (or so low?). OR we can ignore it. and buy a seemingly "good" tshirt and ignore the fact that some one in Peru is suffering because there are no better options for jobs, and so they must work 20 hour days making clothes sold in shinny pristine stores in shopping malls for the affluent in america. Meanwhile they sleep in a dorm room with 8 other children, and live of of 20 cents a day.

So please. I encourage you. THINK about where you put your money. THINK about where this product came from. THINK. don't just blindly accept. and definitely think about what word you are putting on to what product

We Homeless... Paul Simon's song strikes a chord personally

2009-06-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

This last weekend some of our community members went on a street retreat with Alan Graham and Mobile Loaves and Fishes.

We were dropped off at a park on 9th and Guadalupe with nothing but what we were wearing, a backpack holding some reading material, a water bottle, and some small hygiene supplies (aka a tooth brush, cuz i don't go anywhere with out it). I had a small sleeping back as well. From here on out we just lived as homeless, there was no agenda. No tour guide like walk through homlessnes. just honest to God living for 48 hours on the streets. i will try to recap as much as i can, but since i tend to process things in list form (so as not to forget something), this could be a little stream of consiousness...

FRIDAY
-dropped off at park, IMMEDIATELY meet this guy ?joe?. 39 lived on the streeets for 15 years. tells tall tails but seems pretty nice.
-food truck comes from MLF. chips/pbj/cookies/apple/water. not healthy, but food. so eat it
-Meet Kim, she lives in the woods off riverside. Invites us to her camp for the night. This way we'll have a safe place to stay. She has access to bathrooms, clean water, and a swimming hole (sounds good to me!)
- First time riding the bus system in austin.
-walk to camp, drop off stuff and go to get cold water.
-explore the river area, look for swimming hole. FOUND IT. but watch out for those cliffs.
-head back to the camp
-already dark, man it feels so early, but it's so dark outside.
-trip down memory lane in song
-inappropriate jokes galore
-Clint leaves, and doesn't put up his food back. Ants attack us all
-No sleep that night, for any of us really
- Got over my "fear" of peeing in the woods

SATURDAY
-7:15 rise and shine (if you really were asleep anyway)
-head on to the bus system, takes about an hour to get downtown
-Free breakfast/lunch/ clothing at the Methodist church on Guad. Met up with Alan and some of the other folks that we traveled with.
-Chatted up by a mildly creepy guy.
-brushed my teeth (thank you Jesus)- i found myself meaning that statement more than i EVER had this weekend by the by.
- Our group decides to head down to the farmers market and check that out (it's at 4th and colorado.... we are at 24th and guad.)
-how does this whole bus system work anyway?
-get on the bus and head down town.
-get off the bus near the park we started at
-hey.... free hot dogs and hamburgers.... heck yes!
-meet up with some folks we met the first day
-Ashley accidentally answers a bible question right and gets a free steak sandwich, which she gives away
-This free meal has a total of 2 strawberries. thank you jesus- again that statement
-Create street names: Bubbles, Tiny, "the enforcer", and Marmy (short for man-arms)
-continue on our way to farmers market. When there run into old friend from highschool, told her what was up, thought that was cool.
- Out of water, found a free container at farmers market (saweet!)
-head down to the starbucks at 6th and congress for a rondevous with kim to fix her laptop.
-sweet jesus ac feel's soooo good
-bull shit there for a few hours while waiting for matt to figure stuff out.
-started to get really hungry
-3pm meeting with alan in the park
-Meet up with alan along with everyone that we started street retreat with.
-Watch some music in the park in the shade of a big tree.
-MLF truck comes at 5. more of the same food pbj/fruit/water/chips/cookies
-Decide to take a bus to go down to lower barton springs and get cooled off. Andrew aka "razzle dazzle" adds on to our group
-run into Robin (met her a year ago), and Chappy (whom we met saturday), and thier friend kurt at barton. Robin has a SUPER precious puppy
- there is a very high man with dred locks who is convinced every dog is a wolf, and proceds to try to tell robin that her puppy is from the same litter as his, and that she is also a wolf. uses phrases like "thats his sister, man, thats his sister"
-We decide to go try to find a coffee shop, maybe we can bum some money off of someone to buy some coffee
-sit at the bus stop with a couple heroin addicts (can tell by track marks and squinty eyes). Nice enough guys
-sing songs and beat box, heroin addicts join in.
- on the bus and headed back down town. Head over congress street bridge. None of us have seen the bats, so we get off the bus. and plant ourselves down. This is a moment that it sets in for all of us that a)we really don't have anything better to do b) there is a strong sense of no strings attached.
-Watch the bats with an amazing view.
-take back up to walking downtown. Decide to go to Halcyon (recomendation of heroin bob). Tim "cheats" because he forgot his wallet and buys he and ashley a coffee, where as i got a free milk (on accident, but we took it)
- Chronic homeless man who is drunk comes to talk to us, and says some very intense things. This is the most intimidating thing we have experienced as of yet. Ashley is pretty freaked out, and happens to be sitting closest to him. he walks off eventually drinks teh rest of his flask and then throws it on the ground behind him.
-from there we decide to dumpster dive at whole foods.
- no such luck, nothing good there to eat
-walking back downtown, we'll pan handle for some whataburger
-decide to put on an act for it. start singing and dancing along the way. Bubbles and Razzle Dazzle can do some hard core beastie boys. a bachlorette party joins in!
-at 6th and congress we run into kurt and robin again! (it didn't take long to realize that the city is not as big as you think it is, and when the streets are your home and so you are at home everywhere)
-Ask them for pan handling tips. Then head on to 6th to hit drunk people up for money. (it is currently 10:45 pm)
- We split into groups. After two blocks ashley and i have 20 bucks and some leftovers (that came from TWO people after two blocks of asking everyone*) and the boys have none. We decide that there is enough there for eveyrone to get whataburger.
-We find a bus that will take us down to barton and 1st street (or near it) past 11.
-We get a pretty decent meal for 5 people for 15 bucks.
-We then walk back to the downtown area and start our search for cardboard.
-Once we've found enough pieces we head to a parking lot near the park to sleep
-This the most terrifying night. Besides the fact that we are all to exhausted to hardly stay awake, our brains realize that we must not get too deep into sleep because everything is uncertain around us.
SUNDAY
-6:15 rise and shine and bubbles is off to home (we'll see him later that night at worship)
-7:15 start heading down town, stop by st mary's cathedral to use the bathroom.
-We park it on a bench on congress street for a few hours reading
-10am we head over to church under the bridge. this is really overwhelming
-at around 11 am we head to a more quite location to relax a little bit.
-at 12:30 we head back to randeovus with alan.
-We talk some more with Chappy, and say good bye to some friends, and head home exhausted, smelly, and a lot more knowlegeable.

here is our closing thoughts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8oRJ7CLXU8

*honestly the pan handling is the most marking experience for me. I had a man actually shield his wif and children from me when i asked them for a dollar so i could eat. Which left me with this. You never know who is asking you for money, or what they are going to do with it. But when you are the person on the other end asking and your intentions are honest, you start to loose faith in humanity real quick when no one trusts you. As christians if someone asks of you, you are to give. We are not god, and so we don't get to decide who is worthy and who is not. I mean just think about it.

John Mayer trumps all... aparently

2009-06-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

Last nights dreams are a blur:

sitting in matts car, cd is playing and mumford and sons comes on, matt sings a long. I think "how does he know this?"

but the big one was that i left matt for a celebrity (can't remember his name). Move into big house, and start taking care of my niece anastasia.

But then i meet john mayer, and we hit it off. he asks me to marry him, and gives me a ring with a word ( i believe it's made up) that is a synonom for a kind of quirky love... it's starts with a "c". The word is written in diomands. Being married to john is living in a somwhat empty large house with an exhausted man. he works "5-9" ( he uses that phrase a lot)... like he works 5pm to 9am. well he doesn't work those hours all the time, but a lot....

what does that dream mean? and why celebrities?

also theory de jour:

celebrities are real people who can realizes celebrity crushes with other celebrities. for instance lets say i'm jenifer aniston and i'm sitting in my car going "oh that john mayer, i just love his music, and he's so good looking... i bet i'm perfect for him... if i could only meet him. WAIT! i'm jenifer aniston!! i CAN MEET HIM." but just because you develope a crush on someone from afar does not infact mean you are good for each other.... this is my why celebrities get so many divorces theory.

Fashion Fail #2: Sorority Girls Gone Wrong

2009-04-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have been driving my friend kasey around campus today (since she was hit by a truck.... she's hard core). And i have noticed something that really started to bother me. Now this girl right here (below) thought i was creeper extraordinaire as a took a picture of her "discreetly" from my car. But let me just tell you what is wrong with this picture.....

First off. EVERYONE dresses like this. Do you belong to a sorority? Do you wish you did? Do you have long wavy hair that is o-so-perfectly disheveled just slightly? Then you probably looked in your closet this morning and thought..... track shorts, over sized t-shirt (preferably v-neck) and either top siders or athletic shoes.
i can understand fashion trends... and i can understand laziness (really i was wearing my husbands sweat pants for the majority of the morning), but what i can't understand is if you're walking around UT's campus, and at any given cross walk you can point out 12 girls that are wearing a variant of your exact outfit. Honestly the "well her shirt is green, and my shorts are black" will only get you so far, because with the number of girls dressing this way, sheer numbers come into play and there is probably another girl (or 7) with your exact outfit. In fact i didn't even notice this... but there are TWO GIRLS in that photo with the same outfit on. that second one was by accident! Maybe this trend spawned out of the conundrum of "what do i do with all these lame ass t-shirts i keep getting for free?" There are several correct answers to that question: donate them, do yard work in them, wear them under sweatshirts, pj's, give them to your boyfriend, etc. none of those answers are wear them every single day with athletic shorts. If this trend spawned out of laziness.. i can't quite buy that either. Because it honestly takes just as much effort to pull on a pair of jeans, and a shirt that fits you, as it does to pull on what she's wearing. And if it's a comfort thing.... when did jeans and a t-shirt (that fits) become uncomfortable? i thought that was like the epitome of comfort. which means this trend honestly started by someone (probably a sorority girl) thinking that this look was cute. ew. It is NOT cute to look like you're going to or just came from working out all the time. And if another girl in class decides to wear a sun dress, or well fitting jeans and t-shirt.... boys will probably notice them more. Your baggy tshirt is not as flattering as you might think.
so please all girls on campus. STOP LOOKING GENARIC. put on some jeans and a flattering top. you can even keep wearing your top siders (as long as it goes with the out fit somewhat). it takes just as much effort, and you look a whole lot better.

painting

2009-04-23T12:32:00.000-07:00

I am almost finished with a commission that i've been working on for like a year.. hooray!

also random thought....

there is an entire generation out there, who will one day have to go to school and convince thier prom date that they do not dance like the you tube video their parents posted of them (when they were 5) any more.

that "charlie don't" kid will perhaps be friends with that kid on Novocaine who kept asking his dad if "this is real".

who need scrap booking anymore when we can publish all our families most precious and hilarious moments to the world, and let them laugh with us. new parents are so tech savvy what is that going to do to the next gen we raise?

our children will someday be sitting in thier HS cafeteria discussing the embarrassing things we put on youtube of them.

2009-04-10T09:41:00.001-07:00

i enter in to the scene and i am in my bedroom. I am on a ship, and jackaboo is sleeping on my bed. I walk over and start to pet him. I notice that part of his left ear has been cut off. I'm very upset, but i notice that the wound is clean, and he doesn't seem to be in any pain. I find the piece of the ear. I am walking to the main deck of the ship to show my parents what happened to Jack. When i get there they tell me that we have taken on a stranded ship. i have not put together yet that these two things are connected. as i am walking out of the control room i run into a very tall man. he seems to be about 6'4" younger looking, red hair. He is wearing a tight suit and holding a helmet (this is my first clue we are on a space ship... and thus in space). We speak back and forth, it is curt, it is sarcastic, and it is flirty. There is tension there, but i instantly recognize him as an assassin. I have a flashback memory to earlier having someone talk to me over a telecom wanting my key card id. I had slipped in a pool of blood, and did not want to give it to him. I put 2 and 2 together, this must have been blood from Jacks ear. I realize now i must outsmart this assassin. I am now in my bedroom petting on jack. the room goes blurry. I must have been drugged, i am trying to pull through it. I see someone very tall move into my room. "i can still see you, you know" i say "what is it that you want?" He responds "why?" i respond "i might be able to help you". He moves out of the room, i pass out. I come to, and walk around the deck. I find his room. He is laying in a loft bed. I climb up the ladder and stand there to talk to him. "i know what you are" i say. "oh really" he responds. "you're an assassin," i start to climb into the bed to sit next to him, " you want to kill me and my dog," i am scooting closer to him, "but i want to be your friend," i am moving in to kiss him, " a friend?" he responds , "yes a friend," i say just inches from his lips, "please don't kill me and my dog." contact.

end of line

Fashion Fail #1: SXSW

2009-04-06T12:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i said i would do this. and i have been waiting for some photo's from my camera..... which i don't have the chord to get off. BUT i did get some fairly decent "fails" via iphone that i will share now.

Exhibit A

there were three young gentleman who seemed to be wearing these. One was gold, one was silver, and one was red(?). I believe they were in a band, i believe that band has the word "galactic" in the title. I can understand gimics in bands. I really can, kindof. Devo, B52's, even our more subtle of gimics like My Chemical Romance. There is that huge post punk trend of black outfit red tie..... don't even get me started on that whole thing. But what makes a person wake up in the morning and go, full body metalic leotard! It's the answer to all our problems. This kind of outfit is usually only attractive on teh very skinny, and the very goth. perferably on someone in a vampire movie. and lets hope that the body suit is black, not metalic. Basically you have to be Kate Beckinsale in Underworld. Now i can't tell if it helps or hinders this young man that he has clearly falsly enhanced his neather regions. I can tell you that when i was sitting on the steps eating my spinach and mushroom quillsadilla, and this mans everly huge shiny shiny crotch was in my face, i almost choked it startled me so. So there is that.

Exhibit B

I see this trend on many a girl/gay boy. It's 90+ degrees outside and you're thinking, i need shorts/skirt. Denim is best, oh.... and they must be cut offs. The more pocket i can see the better. And then you think, but all this hot weather has left my poor tosies cold (for no reason what so ever because it's 90+ outside), i shall wear my Uggs. This look to me always says, "i am confused, i am slutty, and my feet are sweating but i'm gonna play it off." And for this reason i am begging you. Just don't. It looks bad, everyone else is confused by it. And by the way Uggs were never that cute to begin with! There is so much cuter, more attractive, more functional summer foot ware out there. really there is! Sandals, they are fantastic! you should try them. And also stop cutting off your denim anything above the pocket. It's wierd, and it doesn't look good, no matter what you think. And if your ass is small enough that it can actually be covered with something cut off above the pocket, i'm sorry. But i can almost see your underwear. And if your ass can't be covered we've entered a whole new rhelm. You've also just confirmed my pre-judgement that you are slutty. Go out, get yourself a nice tunic dress. Preferably something with a big spring print. THEN get some really cute sandals that compliment it. then... you can wear your little short things (as long as i can't see pockets), and you can also not look horrible. I promise, you'll feel better about yourself, and i won't feel sorry for you. It will be fantastic!

Dr. and a Tiger

2009-04-02T08:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterdays dreams were quite interesting. I should have blogged them yesterday (when they happened) but i forgot.

I am an attending Doctor in an ER. I show up late, and go by the nurses station to pick up my case files but instead of thin manila folders they are large black bulky file folders. "isn't there anyone else here?" i ask, "couldn't someone else have picked these up before i got here?" The Nurse responds with a disgruntled look and says, "everyone else is either sick, or not on duty, perhaps you should be on time more often." I pick up the huge files and start to look through the hours and hours of charts. I attend to my patients, the whole time frustrated at myself and everyone else that these people went unattended the whole time. Then i'm in the parking garage (i have a limp. in real life my knee is bothering me, but in the dream it severely alters my mobility). Cindy is down there with a small boy. They are firing a sub-machine gun into the abyss of the garage. I suggest that they stop. They say there is no harm and keep on letting the bullets fly. There is a trolley coming through the garage, like the ones at disney world when you take the tours. It turns a corner and it is now a distinct possibility that someone on the trolley could get shot. I mention this nervously to Cindy and the boy, who shrug it off. Someone screams. The firing stops and so does the trolley. I hear the crisp words "we need a doctor!" I look at Cindy horrified and see she has the same look on her face, she is taking the gun away from the boy. I am running towards where a crowd is gathering just to the side of the trolley (my leg is letting me move only so fast). There is a young man thrashing on the ground, i yell at him to stop moving he could make it worse. He stops moving right as i crouch down next to him. He looks up at me, and it's Adam. I am instantly sad, and distressed. He looks like he's going to cry. I tell him it's going to be ok, and through my mind is pouring a list of anxieties. I should not be his doctor, i am far too close to the patient. Why isn't there anyone else here today? I look at the wound and it is near the base of his next over his left shoulder. Seems to have gone in between his collar bone and into his muscle. He is not bleeding heavily, but i realize that this could be a lot more serious than it looks if i don't act fast. I am holding his hand and telling him it's going to be ok.

I am with tim at a church. It is sunday morning, and we are headed to grab food. I forgot something in the building, so i walk around the building instead of cutting through. Tim tells me this is a bad choice, i say i want to avoid the crowds, he says yeah so does he. I go my way he goes his, and his was correct. I get stuck in the crowd. Adam is with us. Along with several other characters i have made up. we all go into the building to get whatever it is that i forgot, and suddenly we realize that there is a white tiger in there with us. It is after adam. From this point we are running and hiding around the church being hunted by this tiger. If we were to go outside, the pursuit would only continue and probably become more intense. So we are doing our best. We are in the hallway that is outside of the choir balcony. There are two stair cases one on each side of the hall. We see the tiger coming up one, so we quick run and lock the door. Then we realize the other is wide open, so we quick run and shut it. Just in time, because the tiger was coming up the stairs. It is Adam, guy 1, and myself holding this door shut. We realize that the door only locks from the other side of the door. the claws of the tiger are starting to come through this flimsy door. I look at adam and tell him i have a plan, and that he should run and hide. He says that if he doesn't help hold the door back, it will surely come through. I tell him that it doesn't matter, just go. He runs and i see the doors close behind him as he goes out on to the balcony. I hope he is finding a hiding spot that is high up. I decide it will be best to fake being knocked out, and hope the tiger ignores me. So i let the door burst open, i fall back. and i black out. I come to and the tiger has it's paws wrapped around me, it is intensely strong. It is also chewing on my hand. As i come to i realize that it hurts more and more. From this point on my brain altered the dream to avoid personal pain.

Dream #2

2009-03-25T12:22:00.001-07:00

Don't remember a lot.

but i do remember that my glasses were severely cracked and broken. and i was upset because i just got them, and this always happens.

end of line

Big snake?

2009-03-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

There is not a lot that i remember about last nights/this mornings dream

all i remember was i was moving a long the side of the porch (which means it must have been my "house") and i saw some leaves/brush and i thought to myself "i be there is a snake in there." then i saw it. and it started off small, and became quickly huge. And i was afraid it would bite me again, so i ran to find matt and tell him we had a huge snake living under our porch.

end of line

a couple of things

2009-03-21T10:07:00.001-07:00

couple of things i am going to start doing on here.

1. "fashion fail". This is not a judgmental segment... well maybe a little bit. But only in the sense that i feel like everyone has the right to express their individuality and look good while doing it. There are just certain things that do not look good on anyone, that only look good on some, or should just be burned for the sake of man kind. These are the things i will be putting up here. believe me, here at sxsw i saw quite a few fashion fails. all the way from blue plaid with lady bug print, to jail bait in bright pink pants. So... this should be fun

2. I have been having really intense dreams lately, so i will be blogging them here. I wish i had the balls to blog everything unabashedly, but for drama/appropriate rating sense i will not. but i will try to be as uncensored as possible.

Look forward to it. It's probably going to happen this monday.

Amazing

2009-03-03T18:42:00.001-08:00

badpaintingsofbarackobama.com

my friend bob had a link to this site on facebook. this is my favorite painting.... i especially love the unicorn type steed in the background.

Olivia Turns 1

2009-03-02T17:04:00.001-08:00

and all she wanted to eat was broccoli. it's strange that she is already 1.

in other news:
our theme for lent at the netzer co-op is "restart". I'm excited for some of the things we are putting together. I will post some things when it comes to more fruition.

Remember that you are dust

2009-02-27T14:21:00.001-08:00

It is now lent.

why in the church do we not put enough emphasis on why lent is so cool/importatnt. Like, we kind of almost do. We rub ashes on our forheads and then we give something up. But i don't think self deprecation/deprivation is the point... is it? I thought those were just tools to achieve the point which is to renew yourself in and with the Lord. I am to fully repent, turn around, come back, self examine, and sit with who i am now. All for the pourpose to move forward to where i can be. And come out on the otherside saying "Allelujiah!" because i have really worked with some dark stuff within myself.

i just don't get that meaning from the ash on the forhead thing....

i am a socialite sometimes...

2009-02-24T16:08:00.001-08:00

AnnieRay.net : Photo Booth: The River Flows East

this one is for you Pete

2009-02-23T10:12:00.001-08:00

my cat is so cute

and my favorite color is green.

So i've seriously had my coputer for awhile

2009-02-23T09:41:00.001-08:00

i suck at blogging guys. srsly

fyi this is what you missed

I killed it

2008-12-23T09:24:00.001-08:00

alright. no posts for a bit.

i crashed my macbook's hardrive.

merry advent...........i am learning the meaning of the word "wait"

Snow pictures

2008-12-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

as i promised..... behold the freak occurrence of snow in LJ

Sally Nite, Holly Nite, Suzy Nite

2008-12-12T14:42:00.000-08:00

that is the version of "silent night" that my niece stasia sings. And it cracks me up. She is 5. and learning to spell her name. It's very cute, and she has more energy and curriosity than most children i've met (and i've met quite a few children).

It snowed 2 1/2 inches at my parents home in Lake Jackson the other day. CRAZY, third snow in almost 20 years ( 1989, 2004, and now 2008). But only half of the town got it, so i invited my friend adam over to help Kim and i make snowmen. I will post pictures up here when i have them.

Today is the day to go and get a tree and make christmas cookies, and decorate the house. very exciting stuff. and mi madre estas making pot roast. yum!

I also helped my father make a facebook today..... hilarious! it's strange when your mamaw, mother, father, and two aunts are on facebook...... but not your cousin who's fresh in college.

All i want for christmas is.....

2008-12-05T13:51:00.000-08:00

this camera, these shoes, and this

but seriously the camera........it's bri-proof

It's started........

2008-12-01T11:39:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite seasons has started.

i have now painted my nails all festive like... and i'm working on my own little santa's list.

Not to mention i have re-checked all my christmas music in itunes and been listening to it non-stop (ps... thanks to paste rosie thomas' christmas album is quite good). Soon will come the christmas cookies, and the decorating.

here is something to get everyone in the mood........

in other news my mother in law bought me a sewing machine! and now i can't stop.... it's all coming back to me now. handmade gifts????? i think so.

2008-11-27T11:38:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!

(this was built and emailed to me by my father... :) )

YESSSSSSSSSS

2008-11-26T10:41:00.000-08:00

click here for more info

aparently i am confused

2008-11-24T11:32:00.001-08:00

so i just went back and looked at some of my old journals.... and i journal the way people blog..... and i blog the way people journal....

help

a disaster is a disaster no matter what christian language you drag it through

2008-11-20T16:01:00.001-08:00

true statement. and it makes me think... but about what is really hard to verbalize right now. but i think it has something to do with how Christianity has become the "happy pill" of our culture. Example:

lets just say that there are a series of characters having dinner. The characters are....... Earth, Humanity, Christianity, and Culture.

Earth, Humanity, and Culture would be talking about how everything is going to shit.... misogynistic views have dominated culture for a long time, pollution is really starting to run some stuff in to the ground, and people are finding more and more reasons to hate each other.

Christianity says something like "well bless y'alls heart *loving look* who wants more pie?"

sometimes i seriously wonder if the current christian culture is really more of a happy pill for people than a faith. and if so, why?

anyone else notice this?

Manchester Orchestra- Wolves at Night (is the quote in title)

Exciting moment of the day: my Genius finally knows what to do with my radiohead. hazah!

Samantha so and so

2008-11-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

just went to book people.

picked up Brian McLaren's " the last word and the word after that", and CS Lewis "the great divide". Doing some research into this whole heaven and hell thing.

so i go to book people (overpriced in my opinion, but i feel better about supporting local bookstores..... must be genetic, hi mom), like you do. And i am skimming through the children's section looking for a christmas present for Stasia when Samantha (Con?) from high school wheels a cart about and starts setting up a display. wierd. she has like almost no hair right now! all these memories come flooding back of her hating me, and all the rehersals (theatre) that i had to suffer through with her horrible attitude. having to watch her fawn over all these boys. My personal favorite though would have to be when i used the word "cult" to describe the church of christ, to which she responds "i'm church of christ.......". *awkward*

we avoid aknowleging that we know each other... like you do. and as soon as i leave the store i text Kristina and say "omg bff guess who i just saw?"

sometimes i'm far to smug for my own good..... because like omg... guess who i just saw?

Getting things done... or not

2008-11-18T22:39:00.000-08:00

Hype Machine is infact, super addicting. as is DJ Earworm. Of course i am a major fan of anyone to combine radiohead with anything. AND i even found this online today. i'm not particularly fond of most of the covers here (or any kind of "tribute" album") but i find myself being quite fond of the vampire weekend, and my brightest diamond covers.

also if you can't tell... i discovered how to link things to words in blogs. i am sooo not computer savy.

a few things from today that struck my fancy (if you notice i think in lists...)

1. Matthew and i have far more clothes than we need
2. getting people to volunteer for things that they are already clearly interested in is much harder than it should be.
3. people are hilariously awkward, and it's far too entertaining to push that as far as it will go.... (matt....)
4. sitting in a coffeshop for 3 hours will infact, eventually, increase productivity.
5. my landlord ill placed the pile of wood in line of the sprinkler and has ruined my evenings for the next week :(...... slightly.

I had lunch with Bob yesterday and went to foodheads. REALLY good sandwhiches.... must go back. It's interesting talking to someone that is as ADD and has as many anecdotes about situations as you do/are. The conversations usually end up WAY off topic and longer than anticipated..... but in a good way.

all in all this is turning out to perhaps be a nice week...

Jesus at a Pub is coming up! And if anyone has thoughts on heaven and hell (like anyone reads this blog anyway..... hi mom), thier existence (or not), or necessity (or not).... please let me know!

now matt is sitting over my shoulder and spell checking me........ annoying....... I'M OUT

intersting points of this week

2008-11-16T12:59:00.000-08:00

1. What the hell happened?!
2. Peter Rollins + Baylor = oh man
3. Dancing like a moron is way better when you're on 6th street and sober
4. my dog is an attention whore
5. what the hell happened??!
6. fire is fun!
7. Ryan is hilarious, and everyone should probably check out that video i put on my facebook... ( i know it's 7 min but seriously worth it)
8.the city of austin is not an ambi-turner.... you can't turn left.
9. my mother is smarter than i will ever be
10. what the hell happened???!

ps. cooler weather is much appreciated.

Metephors, silliness, and confusion.... oh my!

2008-11-14T13:03:00.001-08:00

Tim and i are now sitting at Common Grounds in Waco, after finishing listening to Peter Rollins free talk at Baylor University. It was good, very good actually. And let me say, i have MUCHO respect for a man who can come and leave a room of fundamentalist southern baptists and leave them thinking about what their faith means to them and how they can healthily deconstruct that. bravo sir

I will say i am still having issues processing all of what that fast talking man said. but his metaphors for how God is present in our life were absolutely beautiful. true irish poet. I will be checking out his books here pretty darn soon (and perhaps score a new facebook friend)

Which is definitely leading me into new wonderings about relationship and commitment. Two great words for faith, and two greater words for marriage (although who's to say that one is any different than the other). I recently have encountered someone with whom i have mutual friends, and a similar sense of humor and pushing the system (i only pick this up because most of our communication thus far has been snarking on each other). It has recently occured to me that this person is in fact, attracted to me. And i have the realization that were i still single, i would consider it. What's interesting is that i'm sure every married person goes through this at some point. being married doesn't magically make the attraction go away (what is way interesting is that this is something that Peter was talking about too.... coincidence?????). But it does make you rationalize your feelings. I find myself questioning this persons motives, thinking things like "you don't even know me!", "it's only been like 3 days," "you've never even seen me get mad!". It seems to me that the way i'm feeling about my husband, that our relationship is deeper than just surface level attraction. i am known by him, and i am loved for my not just in spite of them faults. Now it is also interesting to me that this comes up at time that revolves around a very similarly placed argument matt and i had, concerning things that happened earlier in our relationship. Which if i were tina turner i would be singing a little song that goes like "whats trust got to do with it?" (by the way..... everything....). My mom's take on all of this is "there is nothing that matt can ever do to earn your trust". You just give it. You jump from the hook (as the shins say).

i guess all of my "everyday rambling" leaves me thinking about how all this ties into grace (nothing we could do to earn it), commitment (even the days i don't believe in God, i want to follow Christ), and the deepest of needs.... being known ( all the hairs on your head... and all that).

in the seasons of our life, when do the needs that we seek become deeper? once we have them? Peter (rollins) says we can't truly desire a person until we have them, because we didn't know that we needed them until then. Can i not blame my new friend because he's not in the married club and just doesn't understand (pat him on the head and send him on his way)?

seriously.... the strings of connection make my head explode

i am horrible at keeping blogs, if you haven't noticed

2008-11-11T08:15:00.001-08:00

So.... obviously i made it to chicago, and back again. for some interesting mis-advetures at mission development training.

here are things i should always remember:
1. "dear CTA..."
2. Homeless badgering on the subway is way harder to handle, especially when they have no idea that you yourself are infact, poor
3. everyone in chicago has a wonderful accent, and it's very hard to pay attention to your stop when they are talking
4. don't ever use online communication when having a "one on one" convo... it just can't be done. (that's sarcasm)
5. Then Olympics are great to watch live streaming on silent.
6. bookmarks are infact the best way to raise money.... huh... who knew.
7. August in chicago is much more temperate then where i'm used to
8. jeff koons is amazing, and shock and awe is totally his style
9. sometimes people take thier turtles to the art museum... but you have to check them with your coat.
10. you can get shiner in other states

so thats that from chicago.

in othernews........

1. obama is president (hazah!)
2. we have a cat now (hooray for buddy)
3. and... our apartment is starting to be a home

yesterday i was able to hang out with some rather cool people in the name of work. Johny Baker and Bob Carlton being the current favorites out of that group. Fly safe Johny (like you have a choice), and i'm looking forward to the string of "we should get coffee" facebook messages with you Bob.

chi city

2008-08-07T11:57:00.000-07:00

currently I am sittingbn the San antonio airportnwaiting for my plane to board. Then I can head to my least favorite airport ofbl all time....chicago o'hare. More on that later, for right now pray for safe travel, pain free knees, and a good pizza at the end if all this. Chi town here I come

Parable of the Sower: Matthew 13

2008-07-13T14:10:00.001-07:00

We are people. news flash.....

people are imperfect.

Working with youth has allowed me to observe a huge part of the way our culture forms, ebs and flows. Part of my job is to keep up with the current things that are happening today, and how they are impacting the world. One of my greatest observations is the cultivation of the super kids. Who turn into super adults. These super kids are good at sports, music, and school. They are involved in extra curricular, they participate in the community, and they have very high standards for themselves. In fact their standards are so high that colleges today are having to completely re-do how their education systems because by the time those freshman step on to that campus, they already know most of what the university was prepared to teach them.

American culture has taught us not to fail. Failure is not an option. We must succeed at work, and at school. Everyone must go to college after high school and get a good job. Grades and success in sports matter. Our junior high students are straticigly planning their next four years in high school in order to make sure to get enough weights from AP classes to graduate with a higher GPA.

In the 1950's the concept of the "nuclear family" arose. Which was, mom and dad, 2.5 kids and a golden retriever. Mom stayed at home and took care of all the emotional needs of the family, while dad was the bread winner. Any other idea of family wasn't just glossed over like it wasn't there. Our biggest cultural influence at that time was the TV and look at the examples we were given: Leave it to Beaver, Lassie, the Andy Griffeth Show. Families who's biggest problems were when Beaver told a lie, and learned his lesson, or being late to dinner, or getting a low mark in geography class. Something about this idea of being perfect on the outside has stuck. We must be good at what we do, all the time. Our families must appear to be happy and perfect on the outside. 2 years ago in a bible study on Sunday night the youth and I were talking about what we wish we could tell our parents, and the comment that is still ringing in my ears to this day is this, " I wish they knew we didn't have to be perfect at everything."

But when we look at scripture, that concept of perfection doesn't ever come up. If we read the old testament we see failure after failure of a person working for God and his Glory. if we look at the new testament we find person after person needing Christ in their lives because they are broken and failing.

In fact the whole reason that God sent his only son to us was to prove that we did not have to be perfect to deserve his love, that he understood us to be broken people, and forgave us for our sins.

The parable of the sower is probably THE most commonly known parable. But it is one that i think we use to perpetuate this perfect ideal. Instead of really listening to Christs words, we kid ourselves into believing that we are always that good soil.

But what i want us to do today is to start to embrace our imperfectness. I want us to think about when we are not the good soil. Because the honest truth is that we fall on all kinds of soil in our lives.

Christ first talks about seed that is scattered on the road and how birds come and eat it up. Jesus explains that this is the seed that remains on the surface. That we do not take to heart. And so the "evil one" comes and swallows us up. a great philosopher and Soren Kierkegaard said that the gospel itself is very easy to understand, but if we say that we understand it, we must start to live it. The things that Christ tells us in the bible seem very simple, but they don't seem to ground themselves in our hearts. For instance, give all that you have away, and take care of the least of them. If we were to look at how the average American christian family behaves vs how the average American secular family behaves, what is different? How do they spend their money? How do they practice forgiveness? Does the parent in the christian family still gossip about the annoying people at the PTA meeting, do they indulge their children in violent video games? Do they argue and bicker and call each other names? What really is different? Don't we have pretty clear instructions to feed the hungry, and give drinks to those who are thirsty? Does the christian family even make eye contact with that homeless person on the corner holding a sign? So how are you the seed that falls on the road?

Christ then talks about the seed that is scattered on the gravel. and it takes no root, so while it sprouts, the sun scorches it and it withers and dies. in youth ministry we have a phrase called "mountain top experience". Maybe that term isn't solely to that field, but i think that's the only place I've heard it. But what a mountain top experience is that usually on a retreat, or some where where we are completely saturated by God, and his presence we feel so great. This feeling could sustain us for a life time. But unfortunately everyone must come off the mountain at some point. and so usually in about a week, the energy fades the "real" world becomes more prevalent and we go back to the same way we felt before. And all the things we promised ourselves would change, don't. The sun comes out and it scorches us, and that feeling withers away and dies. Only to return again with another experience. Sometimes it seems as though our faith life is a series of shallow soils , the word is never quite taking the root it should, so we rely on the experiences we often pay money to get. When are you the seed on shallow soil?

When christ starts about the seed that falls among the weeds, this is when things start to be come very real for me personally. These are the seeds that fall on deep soil, and it takes root, but it has fallen among the wiles of the world, and are choked to death by the advertisments, and the ideal body, and the bright lights of consumerism and status. We live in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. We work hard for the money, and we work hard to spend it. The average family in America has $8000 of consumerist debt. and the national consumer debt in America is $1.98 trillion. Our culture thrives on people magazine, and shows like the "fabulous life" on VH1 that flaunts new, shiny, and expensive ways to entertain ourselves. This may be blatantly evident in how many people stood in-line for the iPhone 3G release on Friday. Or for halo 3, or the Xbox 360, or any other hyped release of new technology. We are constantly driven by our wants, and are convinced that the things that we own, or we wear will some how fill us with more than what we already have. The bible tells us that why build up a storage of things that we can't take with us. And i know i am painfully obvious that the want of something new is something that is my cardinal sin. I know in my heart that this is not what i need, and when i work with homeless the guilt of what i have, and what i put emphasis on becomes painfully obvious. We live in a cast system, whether we want to admit it or not. those who can afford to, do, and those who can't take their place quietly. But as Kanye West so skillfully put it " I can't even go to the grocery store with out some ones that clean and a shirt with a team. We livin' the American dream, but the people highest up got the lowest self esteem, and the prettiest people do the ugliest things". How are you the seed that falls among the thorns?

All the different types of soil that we fall on make us failures. We fail. It is in these failures though that we realize that we are in need of Christ, and grateful for God's grace.

there are two different places in the world that encourage spiritual growth and connection with the divine. One is religious institutions, the other is alcoholics anonymous. in these spaces we are encouraged to be open about who we are as people and how we are failing. I recently had a very long discussion with one of my two best friends from high school about this. He is an alcoholic at the age of 23. It was a huge shock to me to find out that he had been suffering from depression and alcohol and marijuana dependency for over two years, but relieved that he was going to rehab. So far he's doing much better, and what he attests his health to is his new found "church". He says that AA meetings are like going to church, except everyone can say exactly what they mean to say. He says that the encouragement to connect with god changes the way everyone approaches life and their healing. by working through thier broken-ness they are more accepting of their connected-ness. and it's through this connected-ness that their light for God shines.

The most moving and inspirational stories come from those who are honest about their failures. Their failures cause us to become more introspective, and self aware. Then we too become honest about our failures, and the cycle continues to spread. When we are honest about what kind of soil our hearts really are, we in-turn start to look a lot like good soil. A few chapters earlier in Matthew we hear Jesus say "it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick". We become good soil when we admit to ourselves and others that we are failures, and therefore need Jesus. We need that healing.

Our super kids don't need added stress on how to be perfect. They need to know that failure is ok, and that we have the grace of God to learn from it. It is ok not to be perfect at everything.

It really has been a hard few months because, this last Saturday at 3pm a friend of mine went missing. His name was Tim White. Tim and i met on the bus to national youth gathering about 9 years ago. He was two years younger than me. Our churches were in neighboring cities, and we shared transportation to youth events frequently. We also would do co- camp hope trainings. We had a similar sense of humor, and a mutual understanding that you don't have to be talking all the time. Tim was awesome, he loved people, and he really was just very comfortable to be around. He love volunteering for things, and hanging out around church events. Last Monday they found Tim over an hour from his home. He had hung himself in the woods. I went to the funeral yesterday and none of his friends could quite place why Tim may have done this. We didn't even know he was sad, or desolate.

I can't help but wonder if our culture was more accepting of failures, if Tim would still be alive. If someone had told him that the things that he does wrong don't make him a bad person, they just mean he is in the right place. Church. God's family. Christ's love. This is the place for the failures, drunks, the druggies, the shallow, the freaks, and the geeks. This is where we belong. In honesty, taking our stories of failure and forgiveness out into the world. How are you the seed that falls in good soil?

strange day, and new happenings

2008-07-07T16:21:00.001-07:00

Today has been a very strange day. but i will get to that in a second.

since i last posted i:

got married, went to camp, got bit by a snake again, went back to camp, did VBS, lead a disciple project track/took kids to disciple project, and have organized camp hope happenings.

just a little update.

and fyi everyone should buy my morning jackets new album... just to listen to the song librarian.

today is strange because i changed my name ( i am officially Mrs. Morris-Brock), and my friend tim committed suicied. I didn't even know tim was sad, or missing. But he had gone missing on saturday at 3pm. and was found today. he hung himself.

i'm still in shock and a strange place now. But all i can say is. this:

tim-
i know we didn't talk all the time, but i always enjoyed the time we spent togehter. you had a great sense of humor man. i wish i would have known. i wish i wouldn't have taken advatage of hte fact that you were just there. i'll see you soon man. until then, hang out with my grandpa, he's pretty awesome. You two would like each other.

RIP tim

Newness

2008-05-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

This is the new year for albums. Which i suppose is to be expected since everyone's OLD new album came out in like 2005. So far we have Death Cab For Cutie, Mates of State, The Weepies, Jason Mraz, Coldplay (june), Jack Johnson, etc, etc, etc.

I've liked them. DC4C was a bit of a let down. It is a good album, and it's a strong album, it jsut didn't blow me away. MoS's did. can't stop listening to it. And i'm surprisingly into Jason Mraz's. I'm also diggin coldplays new single, and i have pre-ordered thier cd.... stupid itunes..... makin me spend the monies.

other kinds of newness is blossoming around me. And as i've discovered recently, the tension of my life is that i hate change, and yet i constantly seek it. So here i am standing on the brink of a marriage, and a shift in my call. It's quite invigorating, and yet, i can feel my subconscious self already squirming.

the wedding is in almost 2 weeks, and we have 97 people coming. thats insane. That is 40 more people than we had anticipated. but all will be well! and it shall be fun! and i will be happy. And then, it's off to camp

Where i will spend a good chunk of my summer, only to return to direct more camp. And have a very small person live with us (as well as new roomie, CH manager, and my husband.... which brings the total of people living in a two bedroom apartment to a whopping 5)

this is the part where i need the advice, and the it will all be good, welcome to the new chapter of your life, etc, etc, etc.

so if you've got some

shell it out

post secrets mothers day treats

2008-05-12T11:09:00.001-07:00

i always enjoy the mothers day posts of post secret the most. they always seem to be the most emotional and moving.

this one really hit me today

i love you mom

2008-05-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

there is the finished product i was promising you. Mosaic was fun to finish, never really done that before.

just started moving into the new apartment in austin. interesting to say goodbye to all the old parts of me and welcome in the new. still battling that a bit.

but i ame started to get excited about the wedding :)

Current Projects.... all around

2008-04-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well we just finished our 6th likewise.

interesting how things work out :)

we actually have contact with the camp now, in fact we got a call last night asking for a re-fill on propane. Which matt obliged this afternoon (with an un-expected vet trip for Caleb)

We headed out there on Saturday to clean some trash, and we lost! haha, we'll have to go out there again with a dumpster and a bull-dozer. we'll get that all cleaned up i'm positive. I took some video and pictures while we were out there.... lets se if i can figure out how to post it.... (turns out i can't get it to work.....)

After Paul, Tim, and Chip left: Matt and i went to REI and got our friends at 12acres a new propane camping stove. They were excited. I'm not privy to all the intricacies of drama there yet, but someone took it, and busted something when they left. So we bought them a new one. When we returned there were more folks there, and a lot of them remembered matt and i. That was nice, they then told us that we were a part of them now, and had a tent waiting for us. Beautiful.

Looking forward to continuing relationships out there, and would like to go out more frequently, but we'll see what schedule allows, i'm sure after the move to austin, it will be much easier.

the second project that i'm working on is my final for color theory. this project i actually kind of like.

I have to do a self portrait, using two different mediums, and each medium describes a different side of me. I chose to do a dipdic, with oil paint, and glass mosaic.

The oil is going quite well, the glass is interesting. I've never worked with it before, and it's proving to be difficult, or at least more than i was anticipating.

I'm focusing on the oil right now, and will finish up the mosaic tomorrow. But here are some pictures of how it's going.

the glass is actually being layerd. so we'll see how heavy it gets... i hope i don't rip the canvas.

in other news i got a mac book! hooray! (perhaps now i will post more often)

The lament of a howling dog

2008-04-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

Last night was Shin-dig

It was good, it's growin! which is exciting...

i did a live painting, i got to hang with the soupiset and his mini-crew. Jeff played guitar, and i made some bbq (which turned out pretty good if i do say so myself)

pcitures are here http://soupiset.typepad.com/soupablog/2008/04/i-went-to-a-net.html

via pauls iphone (gotta get me one of those).

there were a few moments of shin-dig that really stuck out to me.

the 1st was..... pauls kids (especially emma), who were so keen to listen and had no fear of the people around them (good job paul you have raised some trusting kids). Emma, who had never met me or been formally introduced, crawled into my lap to help me paint. And to be honest the painting wouldn't have turned out the way it did if she had not made the color choices*. But she was careful not to touch the paint, because this paint is not healthy for us to touch (oil). Then katie (?) told me how she loves art as well, and wants a sketchbook (moleskin) just like her daddy (just about broke my heart with sweetness).**watching/having them be a part of shindig, really just made it feel more like home. like a family than anything else. bring your kids more often paul...

the 2nd was my dog. Matt had told me that jack howls when ambulances/fire trucks drive by but i had never experienced it before (if i ever catch it on video i'll post it up here). last night while we were worshiping, 2 ambulances drove by and jack howled... loud (and in tune with the songs we were singing... i have a musical dog). It was the saddest sound i'd ever heard, and quite frankly very moving. Now i know i'm a super pet owner, that is totally in love with their dog. But seriously, jacks howl was almost a lament of sadness to God. I felt like we needed to stop what we were doing and pray with jack for the people in those ambulances. I don't know how else to describe it other than jack was throwing his head to God in sorrow for those who were hurt.

those moments were what made shin-dig for me last night. That and the food... i love to eat, and i love the community of just sharing a meal with people. it's nice. Although i think next time we should have a table and chairs upstairs, a little hard to eat bbq with out the table underneath to cut the chicken.

in other news i'm trading art for art with a friend of my ruth schwartz who will be making our wedding dishware for two large portraits of her kids. I love the barter system.... it's the best.

*"you should use this color and that color and put it here!" thats how that painting was made, haha, thank you emma, it wouldn't have been the same with out it.
** so if you're reading this paul, seriously you and amy should be proud of yourselves for doing a great job with your kids. they know they are loved, and they trust those around them to take care of them.... that is saying a lot.

quick update

2008-04-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile since i posted.

mostly because it's been crazy. the youth service at flc went quite well. the congregation responded well to it, and the kids pulled it off. They are definitely becoming more comfortable with themselves and leadership. they are just reluctant to do it.... for some reason. then in the swell of relief from the youth service being over, i became so jittery i didn't know what to do with myself, and then i got a very high fever.

alas.... bronchitics

after a 4 day battle with the throngs of grossness, i have come out on the other side, and am feeling better. I cant say the same for jack-jack.... who hasn't gotten his walks this week, and is showing it... but not knowing what to do with himself.

matt and i found a place to live in austin. and it's quite lovely. it's a downgrade in size, but an upgrade in neighborhood and general feel.

i just finished reading Irrisistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne. and i will say i was impressed. i was finally ready to read it, and it went well. I cried... more than i should admit. but it was really very truthful. it hit home. and may have made me feel i'm on the "right track"* in some cases. And made me feel like i am just not committed enough to my God** in others. all in all a good read, and a thought provoker.

one quote (which i now have memorized....) that has stuck with me. is:

"i am just not convinced that Jesus will say "when i was hungry you gave a check to the united way, and they fed me," or, " when i was naked you donated to the salvation army and they clothed me." Jesus is not looking for distant acts of charity, jesus is seeking concrete acts of love. You fed me... you visited me in prison... you welcomed me into your home.... you clothed me."

now it's on to Jesus for President. Which i have so graciously borrowed from Tim. And it features wonderful watercolor prints from Paul. Good job paul, so far it's my favorite part of the book ;)

*never a good sign... feeling like you've got it right
**some of his stories were just like... man.... why can't i do that? or do i have that in be to do that? or i am just a consumerist piece of poo.... bouncing back and forth from all of these... through the whole book

GOOD Fiday?

2008-03-21T08:40:00.001-07:00

Holy week has now officially kicked my ass. I have accidentally overslept twice this week. I just didn't wake up.

life is slightly overwhelming. I'm in need of a break. BUT

I did find a dress* :)

it has pockets.

and with that thought.... i need a nap. But alas, i am at my office. and there is no nap in site.

tonight is the tenabre service here at FLC for good Friday. If you only go to one worship service at FLC all year. Come to the good Friday service. It is quite excellent... and very emergent in it's execution**. It really is very meditative and quite pensive. It's good

I also get to go look at a new space for Netzer/Likewise to live next year. That will be happening this afternoon. I am skeptical but have nothing but high hopes. Here's to not falling asleep on the road!

*wedding
**All it's really missing to be emergent is chairs that move, instead of pews, and a guitar.

A few good reasons

2008-03-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have a few good reasons to be happy...

1. this weekend was camp hope train the trainer, and my youth continue to astound me
2. our manager is going to be great!
3. yoga was awesome last night
4. my house is organized and clean
5. I'm getting married
6. I have someone(s) to officiate the wedding
7. My family can actually be there (now that i've moved the date like 8 times)
8. I still get to go to certification school
9. It's SXSW week!

This weekend was a good one. We got a lot done at the camp hope training, and it was so exciting/rewarding to listen to my youth talk authoritatively about being a camp hope staff member*. AND they got into their jobs. I really think that this year is going to be great! i really do.

We did suffer another loss in our camp hope family, Allen Bates, father of Sophie and Thomas Bates (both 7yrs) died 2 weeks ago. Sophie, having downs syndrome, will have a harder time with this than her brother. This is our second loss in one year. But I have been able to watch the grace of god move through these teenagers and really embrace what community is all about.

Another great thing i learned is that our camp is "special needs" camp 101. We have at least one person on staff or as a camper with every "special need" that there is. These needs are: Dyslexia, Downs, Autism/Asbergers, ADD/ADHD, Diabetes, severe allergies, food allergies, kids of divorce, kids in grief. The awesome thing about it, is my staff, and myself, don't consider it anything. Just camp. And my staff is the one who said "yeah but it doesn't feel like special needs camp, i think we handle it well enough that it doesn't matter".... this came from my number 1 pessimist. Sometimes.... Gods love show through others is amazing.

I get so gushy about Camp Hope because this is the place that i learned real grace. The real life action of Gods grace in the world. There is nothing like loving a child, and having that love returned whole heartedly. There is nothing like being able to teach that love to an entire family or community. It is the most rewarding thing i've ever done, and it is (at least i believe) the true gospel at work.

Now it's time for a shameless plug. If you happen to have small children (between 4-12), or know small children. There is nothing like Camp Hope. You will be amazed, and we would love to welcome your child, and your whole family into ours. Contact me for Registration Papers :)

*for those of you who are going... Camp Hope? camphopeministries.org

The San Marcos Camp Hope, is the only ecumenical Camp Hope in the country. We have a total of 3 different churches participating in running our camp to help to make it a true community experience.

Yes we can

2008-02-26T07:42:00.000-08:00

This almost made me cry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHEO_fG3mm4&feature=related

Did you register to vote?
http://www.registrationbyworkingassets.com/register/?source=MakeaDifference&api_key=gQKGZ9xr0iTIct4XGnRHB1ALGT4

Lent, and the start of things

2008-02-16T11:26:00.000-08:00

Lent is an interesting time for me....

so forgive me for not posting for awhile. The worst part about working for the church is the lack of time for spiritual reflection, while you are preparing others for thier spiritual reflection.... if that makes any sense.

anyway the easy way to say that is lent until easter is not my favorite part of the year, weekly events, fundraisers out the wazoo. All while trying to prepare 45 youths' hearts and minds for "the preparation of our Lord". Sweet....

What i DO like about lent is that it fits in nicely with where we are going as a ministry. We are about to kick off our visioning process for our youth and family ministry. We are preparing for the greater purpose, is that lent-ful? I think so.

And i think that ties in quite well with where i am, where matt is, and where we are going. We are now starting to prepare for our future as a "we". I'm excited, terrified, and slightly overwhelmed.

I think that those three emotions speak to the season of lent as well. I always find it interesting that we do not you "fear" to descrie our relationship with God anymore. it seemed to be a big thing back in the day "do not fear!", "be not afraid", "fear the Lord your God". Where did the fear go? I would not use fear as my forefront emotion when dealing with God....

hmmmm.

Whole new year... of life... or someting

2008-02-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

Well it's official

I'm 23

Today is a good day to reflect on that though. I got a great message this morning from a good friend*. And i talked to my mamaw for a long time yesterday, and it's just good.

today is a day of abundant blessings. The sun is shining, i love people, and they are letting me know that that love is returned.

Honestly i couldn't ask for a better start to a new age.

it really makes me think on the whole concept of God, and this idea of "forgiveness only to those who forgive" thing**. Just the whole thoughts on, we are loved, and so we are called to love. We have grace, and so we are called to be gracious. We are forgiven, and so we are called to forgive.

This morning was one of the first times a giant wave of all of the above washed over me from several sources.

It felt nice

on a side note, Kristina is coming up to visit me right now, and is almost here.... We are going to have SATC night, and then hopefully go dancing tomorrow. WHOO!

* This is a relationship where this has not always been the case, it's kinda like that death cab song that says something like "i can't quite recall what turned us from lovers to friends, but i'll take that volume back up off the shelf and read it again" (or something like that). To truly appreciate this dear friend of mine, we hit the lowest of the lows. so this relationship is really a blessing, because now it's one of my favorite ones :)
** i've been spending a lot of time in confirmation lately (teaching, and just being present) and one thing confirmation always reminds me is that, i and we (collectively as christians) like to omit certain "truths" when ever we need God to back up how we are feeling.... hope that makes sense.

Cupcakes Galore!

2008-01-26T10:05:00.002-08:00

Here are the cupcakes!!!!

They are blueberry peach thyme cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. You can see all parts of this process from the photos. Yes... they did taste amazing. there are spots in the frosting because i personally like to use real vanilla bean instead of extracts. so thats the little black spots. And then poor Jack sitting patiently waiting for these cupcakes... that he doesn't get :(

Such a good dog, he really is my favorite. WELL i have to go take the dog to the dog park, we did some fun stuff in yoga this morning, and some REALLY fun stuff in yoga this week. i don't really know what that has to do with the dog park, but everything is connected.

one year and counting

2008-01-25T07:06:00.001-08:00

So today is Matthew and i's one year anniversary.

i am not one for anniversary's. But i thought this one was special. because it's been one year and i like him :)

i haven't posted in a few days, mostly because nothing exciting or interesting has happened. and the other because i wanted to post some pictures of these RIDICULOUSLY amazing cupcakes i made on Monday, and Matt hasn't uploaded the photos to picasa yet*.

We met with FB yesterday for our pre-whatever counseling. And as usually the conversation digressed into a million different things (one of the many reasons i heart FB). We talked a little about how to practice seeing-Christ-in, being-Christ-to, and receiving-Christ-from another person. What does that look like from a spouse, how are we doing that now? Where do we need to really PRACTICE doing those things**. We talked about how this is a common concept in a lot of things that we do (Matt with his martial arts and me with Yoga). For instance in yoga, when the true work is being done, you are joining*** your physical body with your spirit consciously (higher consciousness), and in that work you join with the divine with in you and your true self is revealed..... or something like that. In martial arts when you are in a state of higher consciousness you are able to change the energy around you and almost enter into this energy flow with the other person, and in that state, you become more seated in your genuine self ( i am severely paraphrasing things that Matt has talked to me about.... so Matt feel free to comment and let them know i'm wrong). When we are seated in this genuine self (in anything that we do) we are able to connect with the part of God that resides with in us better (we see this in people we admire) and are able be a little Christ (as FB puts it) and see the kingdom is at hand, and help to make others aware of it's presence (This is not a stand on the corner and yell at people thing, this is a as a little Christ in our seated self we understand that God is calling us to take care of the world around us that He created thing). It's just nice that these continuing themes float around everywhere****. We also talked about the meaning of "repent" and how Christ sometimes called us to be Bhudda (awakened!). But i suppose those are discussions for later time.

I think the whole how can i receive Christ from, be Christ to and see Christ in our significant others (and extended from that every relationship we have with anyone) is a great thing to think on. It helps me understand a great deal about matt and i's relationship, and how much i appreciate it. That i can be crazy and say stupid things and receive God's grace through Matt. That is priceless. Or that i am able to be Christ to him through forgiveness and support. and That i can see this Christ within him, and have the faith that he will be that person. I hope that this is something that we continue to grow into and understand more as our relationship does.

I'm glad part of growing up is learning to appreciate things more fully :)

Also quick question which requires emails and or comments.... Thoughts on baptism? Matt and i have been having month long conversations on what it is, why it's important, and is it just a symbol or actually a means by which we receive God's grace. We found that this discussion is mostly dependent on your family of origin, but differing views are always nice! so please! do so!

*look for those! They were fresh peach/blueberry/thyme cupcakes with homemade cream cheese icing. I don't use no boxed mixes he-are!
**turns out we need to see our higher consciousness when we are mad, and step out of that "reptilian line of thinking", go figure
****This all was a precurser to a conversation Matt and i had in the car later that night about where we find God in science, the answer was...... everywhere

Likewise

2008-01-21T11:15:00.001-08:00

Ok...

Lets recap Saturday.

Details:
4 from Seguin
3 from San Marcos
3 from Austin

Over budget (by a lot! lets see those donations roll in next time guys!)

Donations from:
FLC (water/oranges/bags)
San Marcos School of Yoga (toothpaste)
FUMC Seguin ($140)

Friends we've seen before:
Ken (Downtown)
Jerry (Downtown)
Corgi (Highway)
Annie (Highway)

Items provided:
Highway route: Lunch packs, water, tampons, pads, band-aids, condoms, scarves, toothpaste, toothbrush, baby wipes

downtown: oranges, water, baby wipes, tampons, pads, condoms, toothbrushes, toothpaste, bandaids, scarves, washcloths

Downtown we ran out of the dental stuff and the condoms the fastest. So note to self, make sure to bring more of that next time. And ps Chip, the wash cloths were a GOOD idea.

Made a new friend named Brooke. He and his wife live in a camp all the way down some street. And it is a substance free kinda place. He was very cool, and I gave him our information, and how to get in contact with us, so that we can start rendezvousing with specific supplies for thier community. Perhaps some day we can eve provide them with a bible study or something.

There was Bucket, the slam poet/rapper, who gets his name from keeping the beats on a green bucket that he carries. He was GOOD. If any of you are reading this and are looking for someone of quality talent, he's definitely got it. and with wildly original lyrics.

while we were downtown, a few things of note happened:

1) Another church group came down and started giving away EXCELLENT chili and gumbo (which was a blessing because we chose not to bring food downtown due to limited funds)

2) i had a very long conversation with Brooke and a man whose name i forget about what would be some good things to bring next time.

3) i learned that we need to come out there informed, because people were asking questions that i didn't know the answer to

4) it's a good thing katina was out there, because i don't speak spanish

5) the thursday before we got out there, a woman outfitted our friend Corgi with a new pack, new clothes, coat, shoes etc. and then the same woman took 20 other people we talked to out to dinner at a buffet. THAT is true kingdom work

as always, we learned a lot.

This time was very cool for me because the group that came out was entirely different than our first group that came out, but we had the same number of people. AND some more of our monastic community got to experience this ministry. which meant a lot to me

i wish i was better at words to express what happened there on Saturday. We all came home with lots of stories. We all came home a little more knowledgeable of the world around us. which is always good

i hope this can give a glimps of what happend.

My gooooood friend Alex took pictures, and he will be sharing them with us soon :) so i'll post those up when i've got them

washed down

2008-01-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

today was a lot.

Likewise in the morning (awesome!), there will be more to come on that later

Dinner with Tim/Danielle, Ryan/Courtney, and Matt/I

and now preparing for sunday school tomorrow

i hate to say this, but sometimes i feel like a lot of the "resources" available, are very washed down...

i get this gut feeling that we are missing the deep poetry and symbolism in scripture, and take the easy way out.

there is no thinking, no depth, and not a lot of meaning.

i will say more on this when i am n0t sick, and can breath.
but does anyone have any similar feelings?

where is the depth? where is the hunger for answers that requires a real search?

is there one anymore?

color theory is dumb

2008-01-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

I am the only painter in my color theory class. I find this offensive.

also it's dumb. and it's early and there for i feel as though most things are a waste of time and money.....

i don't know why we have to read a book on color theory and take quizes. I don't know why you can't test out of this class.

i think i'm also the only person in my class over the age of 18. ppoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

boo class

2008-01-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

I really am craving sugar BAD!!!!

One of the worst things about being hypoglycemic is the cravings.......

one of the other bad things is that i love to bake, a lot.

Found a site that i adore! I have just come out of a cookie phase, cookies were all i wanted to bake. Now i think i'm going to move into a cupcake phase.

this is a green tea* cupcake with pomogranite frosting. I feel a need to eat this. a very strong need. If you want to look at some more ridiculously scrumptious recipes check out the "links i love" portion of my blog, and see the link to the "awesome cupcakes" it's worth your time

Today has turned out happy :) (but it's nothing with out cupcakes)

Yoga is in like 30 min. I missed back bends on Monday. That sucks, but hopefully something is in store for tonight!

people i want a house with a yard (for Jack) and a nice kitchen..... with a good oven (for me). Lets work on this together

*i'm really feeling the green tea, there are chocolate cupcakes with green tea icing on that blog. I'm a fan.....

"It's funny what can happen in 24 hours....."

2008-01-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

Things that have had new light* shed on them in the last day or so:

Relationships with your best friend pick right up where you left off, or more like you never were apart at all
Kim makes the best beef stroganoff of all time
Even if your relationship changes in some way, the person doesn't and sudden un-communicated expectations lead to large disappointments
Adam needs to learn how to answer is effing cell phone!
Knowing the right thing to say at the right time, has never been my gift, and I wish that "intentional" silence was far more appreciated than it is
Don't loan Matt your Regina Spektor CD becuase you'll just have to buy a new one off of itunes ;)

These last few days have been a blur of excellence, and dumbfounded disappointment. Kim is in town. And things that have been building for years have finally accumulated into something (don't go thinking this is pertaining to me, I've already got my Matty) only to leave us all slightly confused at what the hell. Granted today is a new day, so therefore, we have all new surprises to look forward to. Mostly I feel horribly hurt for my friend who feels out of control and at the mercy of others. Especially when it started off so well.

I suppose I'll get filled in on what the hell is going on in a min or two. Maybe.

Ha! As i suspected, all was a mis-understanding. Funny how out of control a mis-understanding can get?

seriously though.... praise Jesus, cuz otherwise, someone was gonna get punched.

*painting is by Molly Brose, "New Light" www.mollybrose.com

mixed

2008-01-14T08:39:00.001-08:00

So yesterday Kim got to town. Thats amazing. I can't tell you how good it feels to sit at Kerby Lane with my two best friends from high school, and matt, and drink beer and catch up, and reminisce, and eat good food. It's just amazing. She's home, and i'm hoping/praying that a certain situation for her works out the best possible way.

Before i left to go pick her up yesterday, we did Project Linus* with Merrill Gardens (a retirement community in SM). We made quite a few blankets. It was very exciting.

Then i "caught up" with a lady from my church. This "catching up" involved a mediator, so you can imagine how fun that is.

i will never be able to handle well hearing that people think that i'm bad at my job. That i'm not a leader, that i have trouble telling between me and the kids, that i have lost the respect of her daughter, and that she will not be participating in Camp Hope again. That i'm unorganized, that i have bad judgment, and that her kids, and obviously everyone else, has become bored with the youth program because no one wants to make sure to be there anymore. And that dealing with me is like beating thier head against a brick wall because they will complain about the same things over and over and there is no change in me.

Some of those things are true. I have lost the respect of her daughter. I made mistakes in July, and apparently did not apologize for them appropriately enough for her. People are not coming to youth group as they once were. I notice that something has to change here.

I have problems with how families act here. I feel very strongly that people should learn to speak for them selves and honestly. I understand that this is not a widely held position in the south. But children should not be taught that if they complain to mommy and daddy enough they will fight their battles for them. this daughter is 16 years old. There no reason that if she thought that i wasn't upholding what i was telling others to do that she can't tell ME about it, not her mom, and then i hear about it 4 months later. Triangling is something that is getting passed on in that congregation. and it's ridiculous. I am truly pissing people off because i feel like if it wasn't said to my face. Then there is not a lot of value in it.

This job is more than a struggle. Getting paid 11k a year for a "30 hour" a week job, which if i want to do everything right is really an 80 hour a week job. There is no help with me. I'm it. I'm in charge of it all. I need training. And we can't afford to send me to it, so i'm sending myself.

I'm swiftly becoming burnt out, so this lady's right. I get so tired all the time so I'm slacking off, things aren't as interesting anymore. They are just a pain becuase i know someone is gong to complain. I think that the only way to not have someone is to be a puppet. I don't think that part of my job is to be a puppet. But maybe i'm wrong. I feel bored so I know the kids do, but part of me is terrified to make decisions because someone always gets super pissed whenever i do. I just heard in the same meeting from this woman that "it's bri's program, it's bri's ministry and that parents have no part in it" and then at the same time "that i need to step up and make decisions and be a leader".

Makes me feel like perhaps God is not calling me here. That perhaps the reason i've had bad job after bad job in the "ministry" is because it's me.** That i do not have the "spiritual gifts" for this. I get tempted more and more to just quit and do nothing, and just ride off of matt for awhile***

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have two very diverse sets of kids, and every time i reach one, i loose the other. I think more and more that i don't get paid enough to have this job be my 100% focus all the time. And more than that i'm getting so tired of all this constantly not making someone with a very strong opinion upset that i don't think i am supposed to be there. I don't think i'm relevant for them any more.

Well joy beyond all joy i have another stressful meeting to go to today for Netzer. Fantastic.
someone help me please.

*projectlinus.org
**granted i've only had two "bad jobs", Lutherhill and now here.
***sorry matt :)

Mornings

2008-01-11T09:05:00.001-08:00

i read too much Terry Prachett. There are footnotes in my blog. Look for *'s and their corresponding notes. watch for this from this point on :)

I know it's like 11 am right now. but for me that is morning. And it's not just any morning.... it's a FRIDAY morning. which means that i teach small children (2-4yrs) about Jesus/church/songs/prayer.

This morning was particularly crazy,the 2's and 3's couldn't stop wiggling. They had a case of the crazies. I almost pulled out my hair. but then it was time for the 4's. My favorite group*. We talked about the season of Epiphany. And what does Epiphany mean (to realize, to remember, to think, etc.) and the tree wise men. And how we realized that Jesus is our King. and then we sang one of my favorite songs that i learned when i was about 5 called "king of kings".

One little girl, Reana, was SOOOOOO concerned that Jesus must have killed Herod, because Herod was a bad man. And when i told her that Herod died of old age and that Jesus' family had fled to egypt for protection, it was clear that that was not the answer that she was looking for. But the cutest part of it all was when she looked at me and said "But Herod is dead by now right?" She was so concerned! I assured her that he was infact dead, and even though Jesus didn't kill him, he wouldn't be doing anyone any harm any more. She felt better.

So now after much Chapeling i am home. Listeing to my ipod**, drinking my tea, watching my Jack (dog) chew on his bed, and preparing to think about eating breakfast.

Then i remember last nights meeting.

It went rather well, we made some plans for this next year, and some ideas about how we want things to go down. The unfortunate part of church is church politics. I hate them. Last year a lady who was on our planning team, and whose children worked at camp, took our evaluation meeting to personally attack the manager and I for not doing "our jobs". She offended a lot of people and now we have to tip toe around her/ create policies to make sure that this doesn't happen again.

How can you ask someone not to come back because they have lost site of the vision? Do you? Do you bring them back and keep them accountable to their actions? Thats my vote, but it's not MY ministry. It's a team thing.

We put some good stuff in place last night. Including how to deal with our growing enrollment (95 campers last year!), and staff training.

Now i just have to find a manager.......

i also have many more things to get done in the office today. the boring stuff that you put off till the last min because it's dumb and you don't want to do it (like year end reports and council reports *blech*).

But it will all be well becuase Keem, Kimothy, Kimmels comes into town on Sunday. My dearest of dear friends whom i love :) that calls for excitement!

*Ever since i was like 15 i have had a fondness for 4 year olds (not in the creepy way, but in the way that my first job in youth ministry was working with 4 year olds... they are so eager and cute!).
**Tim, we all recognize that it was at one time YOUR ipod, but i bought it, and now it has a "Toms" sticker on the back... so..... shhh :)

Every Year I try

2008-01-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

every year i try and start a blog, at least i think it's every year. we'll see if this one keeps up or not. i intend to keep it up, so let's hope intentions stick.

alright well it's 2008. the official year that i turn 23. the cursed year, or "the year of the curse" as i so lovingly refer to it. not many people (like no one in the last 3 generations) has made it past their 23rd birthday without accidentally getting pregnant. so here's to a good year for me!

i know thats a totally shallow thought. and there will be deep ones to come. i promise. maybe even in total bri fashion, in the shape of a list.

so get excited!

currently i'm about to head into a meeting about this season of Camp Hope with my congregation. we hit some interesting snags last year that i would like to avoid entirely this time around. (there are some deep thoughts connected to this, so perhaps after this meeting an interesting post will come )